Monday, April 25, 2011

Distractions and Sadness and Contentment... Breathe

Whirlwind.  What an appropriate word!
  • The Baby Girl threw up for the first time ever -- in the car on the way to Easter at Grandma's at the very beginning of a 2 1/2-hour ride.
  • Easter down at my mom's was good, but busy.  It was a full weekend away from home -- so in essence, a lost weekend.
  • Work today was a slap in the face.  So much to do in such a short time.  And I don't know what I can delegate to others.  It seems I have to do it all.
  • I'm eating so poorly, and not exercising due to all of the above.  The scale is reflecting my bad actions.
I usually take a short break or two at work by jumping on the Internet - something like Facebook or the local newspaper. Today's break sent tears rolling down my face.  Friends from our former church had a baby last week and her health has not been good.  They found out Friday she has a serious disorder, and the future prognosis is very unclear.  This on top of another friend of a friend with a very premature baby who just had heart surgery at one month old.  I read their blog daily for the latest update.  It seems all around me are sick babies with strong parents making the best of each new piece of bad news.  And this comes at a time when Jeremy and I are getting ready to start trying for baby #2.  Talk about bad vibes....

Back to work, and I'm overwhelmed.  Not enough time in the day - especially to exercise during the day, which is part of my "deal" with my boss.  Yet I know that if I would just take the time, I'd probably feel better - physically and emotionally - which would take the edge off my tension.  Yet I don't.

Driving home tonight, my head was a whirlwind. Trying to prioritize tomorrow. Trying to figure out how I can ask for help. Berating myself for not exercising. Lamenting the fact that it's only Monday, and the entire scary week is ahead of me.

I got to daycare to pick up the Baby Girl. And, as happens about 50% of the time these days, she wanted nothing to do with me. Wanted to stay and play. Cried/screamed as I tried to gather her up, put on shoes. So I took my time. Eased into the transition. Sat on the floor with her, talked about what she could do tomorrow. And we left tear-free, calling out "bye-bye" and being perfectly contented.

And then we got home. Once the coats were off, and I had transitioned out of my work clothes, I sat down on the floor with her to play with blocks.

And I relaxed. I marveled at what a wonderful child she is. So smart, so healthy, so funny, so good-natured, so lovely. I hugged her and she giggled with delight. I picked her up and gave her kisses -- an uncontrollable cascade of giggles. And a request for "more."

I am blessed beyond measure.

I have a job that challenges me and the support of my co-workers and my boss.
I have my own good health, and the ability to make decisions that are in my best interest.
I have a supportive husband who pulls me up out of my bouts of self-doubt and disappointment.
I have wonderful friends and family who are there whenever I need them.
I have a healthy, miraculous child, who thrives in spite of my many fumblings.

Yes, this too shall pass, and from the chaos will come even more confidence and balance.